The short answer is no. It’s difficult to strike the right balance between being hopeful but not too hopeful. Getting excited about the connection you make with someone you just met is part of what makes dating tolerable. Very few people just enjoy dating for the sake of dating.

Being pessimistic with dating does nothing for you either. I sometimes hear people try to convince themselves that if they just don’t get their hopes up about a person then they won’t be disappointed. Not true. You will still be disappointed.

Still, if you find that you’re quick to label and categorize a person as amazing after two dates you may need to step back. You can’t tell if a person has good values or is capable of real commitment after a couple of dates. Monitor the way you talk to yourself about the person you just started dating. For example “I like that he said he’s looking for something more serious. This was a fun date. I’m excited to see him again ” is the type of hopeful internal language you want to use. Avoid full blown categorization like “he’s the whole package, he’s amazing.” Reality check, you have only seen the tip of the iceberg and are really just speaking from initial excitement and chemistry.

I sometimes see people have a very strong reaction to things not working out after 2 or 3 dates. It’s as though they’ve already convinced themselves that the man or woman had real potential. It’s important to remind yourself that if you have extreme reactions it’s not about that person. It’s about the weight of all the emotion you have tied to dating and wanting a partner so badly. Your reaction might have a lot more to do with the fact that you have felt lonely or disappointed in relationships for months or years and have very little to do with how special Jenn or Evan was.